Happy Mothers Day, Mom
As I write this essay it’s early morning after another successful slumber party with the kids. The air mattress gets cold so we all end up in a puppy pile by morning. This is our tradition and you would love to be here if you could.
You are more involved in your grandkids’ lives than I expected. As a result you have changed my viewpoint on the value of grandparents. My life with grandparents was very different than what my kids are experiencing. My grandparents were a three hour car ride away. They were people I loved dearly but only saw for special occasions or long summer weekends. My kids see you every week and they have a bond with you that makes me happy beyond measure.
You are quiet and sometimes unsure of yourself, particularly in crowds. But you are a stronger person than you realize. Though you may feel unsure of yourself, I see your self awareness as your strength. You take the time to examine your fears and doubts about yourself and that is what makes you strong.
I look to you and what you did for your family as a guide for what I should do for mine. Yet my life is my own and sometimes my best intentions and plans don’t work out. I currently suffer from an intense feeling of failure. Failure that I’m not giving my children all of the good things you gave me. I value the security and structure for my young kids that you gave me and they have little of that right now.
I also know that you don’t see it that way at all. If I push away the self defeating thoughts and feelings of humiliation and failure as I stumble through this phase of life, one lesson you taught me stands clear.
Remember my grades in school? There were three grades for each subject: Achievement, Citizenship, and Effort. I was focused on Achievement. I always wanted to have the right answer, to get the best grade.
You, however, didn’t concern yourself over the grade in Achievement. What you cared about most was the grade in Effort. Just try your best and the rest would take care of itself. Effort is achievement.
I may not feel like I am achieving high marks in parenting at the moment. But please know the effort is there. I am trying my best.
As I try to be the best father I can be I want you to know this: every effort you made to raise my brother and I comes through in what I do for my kids. Mothers Day may be celebrated once a year. But it’s Mothers Day every moment I clean up a spill without complaint, hug away tears, or show my son how to peel an apple and keep the peel in one long continuous piece. Soon he will know how to make sour cream cookies.
When my little girl is in my lap watching a show and she falls asleep while I gently pet her hair, that is me bringing forth the love you showed me. When she feels loved by me in those moments, she is feeling your love for her, too.
So, for this Mothers Day I want to say thank you for giving me a lifetime of examples of what it means to be a parent and to love your children the way they deserve. That legacy of love continues in my family, too.
I am so very proud of you, Mom. I love you.
Hop Dad 