Hop Dad

Moving Up and Moving On

October 21, 2023 at 10:00 am Leave a comment

I wrote this essay the night before the first day of school, foolishly believing I would have some time to edit and publish it the next morning. Then the tidal wave that is this school year crashed hard onto my life schedule. The days are so busy now I sometimes can’t remember to do the simple things like keep the kitchen stocked with snacks, or add the latest scholastic activity to the calendar, or write essays for a personal website.

Seven weeks after the start of school I am sitting in a local beer establishment having a pint and revisiting this missive, to put some finishing touches on it and just click “Publish”. That’s often how parenting happens. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to get done.

Dear Kids,

Here we are at another “first day of school”, ready for a new adventure. You are both moving up to the next level, elementary school is in the rear view mirror. It was a particularly difficult break between school years, so difficult we decided to call it The Lost Summer. Vacation plans were derailed, days were spent in limbo because forces outside of your control were changing our schedule almost daily.  We were knocked hard from our usual way of living; a sequence of little earthquakes that crumbled our daily routines. The worst of it was the loss of my father, your dear grandfather. We continue to grieve him as we step forward into this new chapter in our lives. 

It wasn’t all sad, though. We attended minor league baseball games, camped in the living room for movie nights, ate lots of pizza and ice cream and stayed up far too late playing cards. We found ways of keeping some traditions going amid the chaos, holding hands and hanging on through a rough set of months.

Now it’s time to reset our schedule, time to get up earlier than we want to start the new and important school year. School nights and mornings look a little different now. I don’t have to do so much to get you ready for the day. The two of you know what you want to wear, one generally and the other very specifically. Neither of you are hungry for breakfast first thing in the morning but are by the time we get to school so the car becomes a cafeteria. As we begin this new chapter I have thoughts for each of you.

To my darling daughter:

You are starting high school. There are few moments more terrifying in a parent’s life.  I know you are terrified, too, because you spent most of yesterday agonizing over what you would wear this morning. You brought all of your clothes up to the living room and together we sifted through every possible wardrobe option until you settled on just the right outfit. That decision lasted about an hour and suddenly you were agonizing again. I didn’t realize the first day of high school required so much preparation. Outfit, hair, makeup all must be fussed about. On my first day of high school I threw on a t-shirt and flared jeans before walking past my sobbing mother and out the door.

Though many people who read this may disagree, high school can be an amazing experience. You have the chance to make incredible memories and life long friendships. You have already shown yourself to be someone who genuinely cares for school so I have no doubt you will make your mark there during the next four years.

To my handsome son,

Tomorrow you will experience your first day of middle school. You are stepping away from being a little boy and into to that weird and awkward phase of childhood. We haven’t talked much about it and you tend to keep your emotions in check. Yet I could tell your calm demeanor started to slip a bit during the orientation and picture day last week. I know this will be hard for you – the first day of middle school is terrifying. In about two weeks this will all smooth out and you will be on your way to a three year journey through weird school. I have no doubt you will make friends easily because you are a sweet, kind, and caring boy.

As for both of you, I miss your “little kid” lives. It was easy to keep you with me, in our small space, living our silly and fun lives together. Now you are moving up to greater challenges outside of the world I provide for you. Your friends have more impact on you than I do now and that circle of friends is growing larger. I have to remember more names and whether they are “friend friends” or friends or just people you know. There will be sporting events and dances and spirit weeks and times when I need to pick you up late from school because you want to go out with friends to Starbucks. I need to figure out that right place where I am close enough to keep an eye on you but far enough away that I don’t intrude, because we have reached that point where being seen with Dad on school grounds (or anywhere else in the world) is awkward for you.

Despite our collective fears and and anxieties about what’s ahead I know you both will flourish in your new schools. You have always made friends easily and have established reputations as kind and helpful students. This year is going to be great.

So, grab your backpacks and let’s pile into the car – it’s time to go to school.

Entry filed under: Being Dad, General. Tags: Being Dad, Brewing, Children, Dad, Family, Fatherhood, Kids, Mom, Motherhood, Parenting.