Hop Dad

The Fire of Fifteen

July 1, 2024 at 10:31 pm 1 comment

In a cavernous gym, at the start of another full weekend of volleyball matches, I and the rest of the parents stood along the edge of the court and waited for your team to do the customary greetings to your opponents at the net. Once that ritual was done you and the rest of the team came whooshing and leaping past in quick succession, high-fiving all of us with cheers and shouts. It was hard to keep track of who was who in the rush of players and I could only focus on the hands flying past me. Suddenly I felt two hands squeeze mine and I knew that was you going by. It was a simple gesture but it meant a great deal to me. It was a signal amid the chaos and busyness of our lives, a small ping to let me know you were glad I was there. As you grow up and venture out on your own, those little pings will become more important to us, for now you are fifteen years old, completely engulfed in the fire of adolescence and ready to wander farther from me.

I am not surprised this birthday is suddenly upon us and that I am completely unprepared. Our days are so full with activities that it seems we don’t have time to consider anything that is more than a week away. We have spent long days driving between home and school, volleyball practices and tournaments. I thought buying a small car would be good for all of this driving. What I didn’t account for was you growing so tall. Now you are crammed in the back seat with sports equipment, blankets, camping chairs, school backpacks, and snacks you have stolen from the kitchen.

Speaking of school, you experienced your first year of high school. On that terrifying first day you didn’t want me to pull the car up too close to your friends and the swarm of unfamiliar kids at the biggest school you have ever attended. I couldn’t tell if you were overwhelmed by the stress of the day and needed to feel some sense of control, or just embarrassed to be seen with old Dad. Probably a mix of both. Those first few weeks of freshman year were a challenge. Each class you attended was on the opposite side of the school from the subsequent one, causing you to have to race all the way across campus, through the crush of bigger kids, to arrive breathless and stressed for biology or English or math. Add to that the after school practices and match schedule for junior varsity volleyball, school events like football games and dances, and your school days were packed. In the evenings when it was time for dinner, I often found you asleep on the couch, Netflix on the TV and phone in hand, where you remained for the rest of the night.

Outside of school, volleyball has dominated your life. You tried out for and made a 15U team with the same club you played for last year. Your dedication to practices certainly paid off, as you were voted MVP of your team. You have added beach volleyball into the mix, and those sports have taken us to many new places. We had another epic little vacation – a road trip to Las Vegas, Los Angeles and San Francisco. A long weekend was spent in Spokane at what became a rather forgettable tournament. As I write this you are in Phoenix for the last tournament of the season, tearing up the courts in, mercifully, an air-conditioned space.

You talk about boys a little more now and I’m willing but not ready to have those conversations. I may never be ready. For now it’s mostly stories about silly things that happen or the general awkwardness of trying to socialize as a teenager, nothing too serious. I think you are testing me to see if I can handle these talks for later when you get a little more involved in high school social life.

As always, you continue to love and support your little brother and all of his endeavors, particularly on the baseball diamond. You remain his biggest fan, even following his games online when you can’t be there in person. He still annoys you when he won’t adjust the car seat properly so that you have enough leg room. You will play any game with him but eventually your competitive natures get in the way and the games come to a sudden and emotional conclusion. But a rematch soon follows.

I admire your growing self-confidence. What I am most proud of is that you are imagining possibilities for your future and seriously thinking about what it would take to achieve them. You are becoming comfortable venturing out on your own and are constantly asking me to drop you off somewhere so you and the rest of your friends can wander the mall or go to the nearest Starbucks. I can put you on a ferry for a trip to your friend’s house and a sleepover. Earlier this week you were dropped off at the airport to fly off with your teammates. Though it pains me to admit it, you are far cooler and more capable than I was at fifteen.

As we enter another year together in what has become a hectic life, please know that I will always be on your side, ready to provide for you as best I can. You continue to be an inspiration to me and others around you, with your fiery spirit and sense of adventure. That desire to see more of the world will take you farther from me and I will worry every minute you are out of my sight. So keep checking in with Dad when you are off exploring your adolescence. Sometimes all it takes is a little squeeze of our hands.

Today we celebrate you, my sweet and beautiful daughter for you are fifteen years old. I am so very proud of all you have become. Keep shining brightly because this world needs your light. I will always love you forever.

Happy Birthday to you, my sweet Boo, my Norah Grace.

Entry filed under: Being Dad. Tags: Being Dad, Children, Dad, Family, Fatherhood, Kids, Mom, Motherhood, Parenting.